Mama

My Mama went to heaven in 2008... I still have conversations with her in my head, I catch myself picking up the phone to call and tell her something, I miss our talks, our shopping trips, our giggling and silliness. My Mama was my best friend and I won't ever stop missing her... so I talk to her through this blog... hey it helps me!

Wednesday, September 15, 2010

Two Years


Dear Mama,

Two years ago, yesterday, I got a call at 11 p.m., a call I wish I had never had to answer...

The family had tried several times throughout the evening to call... we were out and about all that Sunday evening and I didn't hear my phone ring, I'm sorry... not that I could have done anything to change the subject of that call.

Finally about 11 p.m. Kevin got through and I answered... he had been calling every few minutes for hours and was getting more and more frantic by the minute, so when I finally answered, all he could do was blurt out "Mama died!"

My mind just would NOT wrap itself around that statement, so bluntly and harshly put. I kept saying "No, No, No!"

Daddy got on the phone then and his voice was cold and detached and pitiful... he was still at the hospital, but was heading home, as he said to me then, "I don't know why I'm going home, there's nobody there." He was so sad, in a state of shock, just as I was.

I hung up the phone, threw myself into Hugh's arms and sobbed uncontrollably, he held me and tried to understand the garbled words coming from my face pressed against his chest. He got Kevin's phone number from me and called him back to get more information, as I was unable to put two words together clearly.

All I could keep saying was "No, No... NOT MAMA! NOT MAMA!"

Hugh was able to find out what had happened and helped me pack a bag, take a shower and get on the road for the longest two hour drive I've ever been on. I don't know what I would have done without him. I remember calling my best friend, Kitty, as we drove through the early morning hours, around 1 or 2 a.m., telling her as soon as she picked up her phone, "My Mama died!" just as bluntly and starkly as Kevin had told me... how else do you impart such news?

I had just talked to you, Mama, two weeks before when you called to say the "September" poem to me... we had chatted like old times for half an hour or more... I look back at that conversation with such gratitude that we had talked like that, and just a few weeks before that we had been up to visit, going to the Forest City Owls baseball game to hear my Caleb sing the National Anthem... we were so proud, and I'm so glad you went with us and shared that evening... dinner out at Fatz with Caleb and Kaila. It's a wonderful memory, the last one I have of you... the last one of a lifetime of wonderful memories.

Thank you Mama for being such a big part of my life and for the love, laughter, tears, and memories I now have of my precious little Mama.

I love you, I miss you Mama!

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